Tired

It’s not a physical tiredness, because I’ve been getting plenty of rest. More of a weariness. I lack motivation. It seems there’s no drive or strength to fight anymore. It seems this year is ending off on a splutter. I’ve noticed a gradual diminishing of strength these past few months.

This place is familiar to me. Somehow I recovered last time. Now I’m back again. As you can see, perseverance is something I lack.

There’s a decision I need to make. It’s whether to trust God’s word and choose His way or not. This decision was always a no-brainer to me, until I actually had to choose for myself. I’m not sure why I struggle so much, why I avoid making the decision. Where do I get strength to make a commitment like this? I feel weak.

I feel selfish pitying myself. There’s millions of people worse off than me, especially with the disaster in southeast asia. (for some perspective, read pheeohnah’s dec 26 post)

"Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
'Cause I feel so defeated
And I'm feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I'm a plane in the sunset
With nowhere to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sand castles spend their time collapsing

chorus:
Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Yeah who am I just a kid who knows he's needy"

(switchfoot - let that be enough)

"Yet I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; O LORD , do not delay."
~Psalm 70:5~