easy or hard?

is spending time with God through reading His word and prayer easy or hard?

i've always thought it should come easy. if you love someone, you should naturally want to spend time with them right? thus, if i love God, i'd want to read my Bible and pray.

but then, if i don't want to read my Bible or pray, what does that mean? does that mean i don't love God?

this logic threw me for a loop. a few weeks ago, i was really tired of "forcing" myself to read the Bible and pray. it seemed more difficult than it should be. i felt those times with God weren't really genuine because it seemed so routine. everytime i didn't feel like reading the Bible i would force myself to. and i asked myself, "why am i doing this? doesn't God want me to love Him freely? shouldn't my love for God compel me to be with Him? shouldn't His love for me compel me to love Him?"

so i stopped forcing myself to read the Bible. i read when i felt like it, when i wanted to. i prayed when i felt like it, when i wanted to. and naturally, my times with God decreased. and the burden of NEEDING to read the bible & pray every day lifted off me.

(tim pauses to organize his thoughts, because they are kind of jumbled up)

but then i pondered what "love" really was. when i feel like spending time with someone, and i do, well, that's easy. when i don't feel like spending time with someone, and i still choose to do so, that's much more difficult. when you choose to love someone, you love them when it's easy and when it's difficult. i think God knows how hard it is for me to choose to spend time with Him. when i'm really tired and grumpy, but i still choose to spend time with God, i think He values that. i think He values those times even more than the easy feel-good times.

love is sacrifice. and every sacrifice is a choice, a difficult choice. but in the end, that choice is yours and mines to make.

Choose my instruction instead of silver,
knowledge rather than choice gold
~Proverbs 8:10~