an obsession with comparisons

My siblings are out tonight, so I have the apartment all to myself. It’s quite peaceful. I put on some Jack Johnson and continue reading “Searching for God knows what” by Donald Miller.

The chapter is about how we as human beings have an obsession with comparisons. He writes, “The thing that defines human personalities is that they are constantly comparing themselves to one another. Humans, as a species, are constantly, and in every way, comparing themselves to one another, which, given the brief nature of their existence, seems an oddity and, for that matter, a waste.”

Let’s look at reality television, being our world’s newest form of entertainment, as an example. Survivor is a competition of wit and determination. American Idol is made to discover the next American pop star. Project Runway tests the skills of fashion designers. People race around the globe to win The Amazing Race. There’s Fear Factor, America’s Next Model, the Bachelor, etc. And that’s not including all the sports: the World Cup, the Olympics, hockey, basketball, the world poker tour, etc. And then there’s the award shows: the Oscars, the Grammy’s, the Nobel Peace Prize… There’s always a winner and a string of losers. The competitions kick out the “worst” participant or team one at a time, always ranking the contestants from best to worst.

High school is a great example of this. There existed an unspoken hierarchy. Everyone was “ranked” based on a combination of his/her athleticism, looks, intelligence, humour, musicality, finances, and dating status. I was part of the nerdy group (I absolutely loved math and would always answer the bonus questions for extra credit). I was this skinny guy with glasses and an awkward right-to-left comb over haircut.

Everyone at the bottom of this hierarchy has a miserable time. Kids in high school are mean. They are always looking for someone to pick-on, to make fun-of, and to step on. I think part of the reason is that when you push someone else down, you feel superior. And everyone wants to feel superior, because they want to be valued. Fortunately for me, I was semi-sporty and semi-musical with average looks. And although I wasn’t at the top of the hierarchy, I managed to stay out of the bottom.

I vividly remember constantly making fun of a classmate from South Asia. He has a funny accent and could not spell. Although I was not the ring leader, I was a part of his public ridicule. This lasted for years and years, until he finally left the school. The sad thing was that I went to a Christian high school.

As I think about those times, I am heart-broken & ashamed at the way I treated him. I can’t even imagine the emotional scars he must have now. How could I be so cruel? If I have a chance to see him again, I would want to give him a big hug and a sincere apology for being such a jerk in high school. I pray God will grant me this opportunity.

My best friend Sam wasn’t the smartest or the richest or very musical in high school. But everyone liked him because Sam was so funny. He had this great laugh – the kind of laugh that when you hear, you want to laugh too. And people liked to laugh, so they liked to hear Sam’s laugh.

Sam had a heart for this South Asian classmate and disregarded the high school “hierarchy” to reach out and be his friend. At the time, I thought this was a foolish move – it was social suicide to associate with people at the bottom of the hierarchy. But Sam did it anyways. Now when I look back, I see that God had given Sam a big heart, a compassionate and kind heart – and Sam had the courage to extend his love & friendship. That is the kind of person I want to become. I want to love people without judging or ranking them. I want to get rid of this comparing disease that I have, and be able to accept people for who they are. I want to stop comparing myself to others. This is an impossible change to make. Good thing I have God – He is the one that gives me a new heart & renewed mind. And He is the one that gives me ultimate value.


Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked, "Lord, what about him?" Jesus answered, "If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me."
~John 21:20-22~