i’m feeling very vulnerable now

and kinda stupid – some voice inside of me keeps on telling me that i’m blowing this thing out of proportion, and that people don’t want to hear about my problems, and that i can fix it myself without hassling other people

something i read in purpose-driven life today: “of course, vulnerability is risky. it can be scary to lower your defenses and open up your life to others. when you reveal your failures, feelings, frustrations, and fears, you risk rejection”. ah, how appropriate that i read this today. but it goes on, and this is the part i’m looking forward to: “but the benefits are worth the risk. vulnerability is emotionally liberating. opening up relieves stress, defuses your fears, and is the first step to freedom”. i hope what rick warren says is true.

anyways – i realized i had set my alarm clock for 8pm instead of 8am. i realized this as my cell phone rang at 8:55am. it was my friend jon who was driving me to church. the next 4 minutes involved throwing some clothes on, brushing my teeth, doing my hair (this was probably the most important part), finding my Bible, packing my bag, and running out the door. and while i was doing this i was telling myself “stupid tim, it’s your fault”

i made it through church. i made it through lunch, the afternoon, and dinner. but as i was reading this evening, tiredness overtook me. and i gave in. so from 9:30 to 11:30, i was sleeping on my couch. it was an uneasy sleep, and i woke up feeling groggy.

lately, i’ve been wondering what God wants me to do with my life. i know that alot of the time, God reveals things to people one step at a time. but i’m not even sure what my next step should be. i’ve asked God, but nothing. (and because i have no direction, this may be why i feel unmotivated, and unmotivation leads to laziness... maybe – it’s all very confusing sometimes).

so i’ve decided i need to get more serious about seeking the Lord’s direction, the next step i should take. so i’ve committed the next 3 days to earnestly reading the Word, praying, fasting, thinking, asking advice, and really looking at what God’s given me and how He’s shaped me and where He's placed me now. and i trust He’ll show me my next step. and if i need, i’ll take longer.

any thoughts?

Luke 18: 7-8
“and will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? will He keep putting them off? I tell you, He will see that they get justice, and quickly”